Step 4 – Uncover Self-Efficacy
YOUR CALL
REFRAME YOUR MIND AND GAIN PERSPECTIVE
(Exercises/list adjusted from https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/cognitive-distortions/#what)
1. Write down now 3 irrational thoughts or conclusions that are recurrent in your day-to-day life
2. Look at the list of unhelpful thinking styles or cognitive distortions below
Unhelpful thinking styles:
All-or-Nothing Thinking / Polarized / Black & White Thinking
You see things in terms of extremes – you, people, the environment are either perfect or totally flawed or bad:
‘I am an awful partner…People is successful…Millennials are lazy…Life is suffering…She is perfect…’
Overgeneralization
You have overly negative thoughts about yourself/people/environment based on one or two experiences:
‘I fail the test, I am a failure…Elections were fraudulent, the whole system is corrupted…’
Mental Filter
You focus on one negative and exclude all the positive, one negative comment equals a bad relationship:
‘She was mad yesterday, we definitely don’t get along…My son cheated on a test, we failed as parents…’
Disqualifying the Positive
You acknowledge yet dismiss a positive, perpetuating the negative thought patterns in the face of contrary evidence:
‘He loved my work, he was obviously in a good mood, I am terrible at this job…’
Jumping to Conclusions / Mind Reading
You believe you know what others think, like an unpleasant expression means something negative about you:
‘He stared at me, I look stupid…She is having fun alone, I drain her…’
Jumping to Conclusions / Fortune Telling
You make a prediction based on little to no evidence, seeing it as fact rather than one of many possible outcomes:
‘I didn’t get the position, I will never get the job I want…My daughter is a loner, she will never get married…’
Magnification or Minimization
You exaggerate the meaning of things or minimize the importance of things even in light of new evidence:
‘I didn’t play well today, I am no good…I won all week, but I am really not good…’
Emotional Reasoning
You accept emotions as facts:
‘I feel sad, I am a depressive person…He is angry, he doesn’t like me…’
Should/Must Statements
You impose on yourself and others unreasonable expectations so guilt, disappointment and resentment follow:
‘I must succeed, I am such a failure…She should call me, she doesn’t care, I hate her’
Labeling and Mislabeling
You judge, label and mislabel yourself/others based on one instance of failing, misbehaving, dishonesty…:
‘You are a liar…They are bad students…I am an idiot…’
Personalization
You take everything personally blaming yourself or others with no logical reason and across situations:
‘I always upset you…You always do this to me…’
3. Divide one page in 3 columns:
- 3. 1. On the first column make a list of your 6 more recurrent conclusions about yourself and others
- 3.2. On the second column categorize these thoughts according to unhelpful thinking
- 3.3. On the third column write at least one fact that contradicts or challenges each of your 6 conclusions
4. Play with your thoughts (Based on and adapted from‘The Work’ by Byron Katie):
- 4. 1. Do a ‘turnaround’ statement replacing all your ‘He/She/It/They…thoughts/conclusions with ‘I…’
- 4.2. Revert negative statements to positive ones like ‘He is mean to me’ to ‘He is kind to me’
- 4.3. What thought can you drop now in evidence that it is unhelpful thinking?
WHAT CHANGES WHEN YOU CATEGORIZE, TURN AROUND OR DROP A THOUGHT?
YOUR WEEK
ADOPT THE POSITIVE BELIEF OF SELF-EFFICACY: I CAN MAKE IT
5. Drop your most recurrent self-sabotaging thought adopting a goal-oriented thought all week: ‘I will…
6. Watch yourself going through small everyday incidents and replace negative thinking: ‘I can manage’
7. Choose a healthy underlying belief to support your goals (from the list of healthy schema below):
- ‘I can learn from my mistakes’
- ‘I can figure things out’
- ‘I don’t need to know it all now’
- ‘I am a solid person”
- ‘I deserve respect’
- ‘I care about others’
- ‘I can do better’
8. Check below all the assumptions and rules you live by:
- Others should not be trusted
- Everything must be perfect
- I must always be in control
- One should never show emotion
- Whatever I do, I must succeed
- Others have to come first
- I should do more
9. Do you have any other or another assumption/rule to respect, use and follow day-to-day or long-term?
10. How does this set of assumptions and rules affect your everyday life?
11. How does this set of ‘musts’ and ‘shoulds’ affect others in your life and your relationships?
12. Which rules would you modify to feel more confident about yourself and achieve your goals?
WHAT SINGLE ACTION CAN YOU TAKE TODAY THAT SUPPORTS THE ‘I CAN’ BELIEF?
COACH CALL
Too much in your mind
Using self-sabotaging talk
Assuming the worst in you and others
