Excercises

Step 1 – Snap Out of It

YOUR CALL

WHAT CAN YOU DO RIGHT NOW TO EXPERIENCE A POSITIVE MOMENT?

1. Make a 5’ pause and breathe deeply and slow: interrupt your stressful state of mind
2. Bring to life a positive experience: a personal win, a good time, a favorite place, a unique event…
3. Pause and savor that positive experience: scan body & mind, notice surroundings now
4. Look for something different in others today: notice how your thoughts and feelings change
5. Practice ‘deep muscle relaxation’ before sleep tonight: tense, hold and relax your body part by part
6. Stay alert to catch the positive: the interesting, the fun, the good, the beautiful, the peaceful, the unusual…

YOUR WEEK

WHAT CAN YOU DO EVERYDAY TO EXPERIENCE A POSITIVE WEEK?

1. Smile each day as you wake-up: notice the thoughts and emotions that come up
2. Monitor your body in everything you do throughout the day: breathing, working, eating, walking, resting…
3. Visualize a positive experience every day: one that makes you feel balanced, hopeful, passionate, strong…
4. Notice how you are and act with others daily: verbal/non-verbal communications, interactions and reactions
5. Change your usual response to situations/people: shift gears, be quiet or speak up, observe or participate…
6. Give thanks for 2 things once a day: a moment, a place, a feeling, a chance, yourself, someone else …

COACH CALL

Stuck on a negative emotion
Sabotaging relationships/partnerships
Overwhelmed with everyday challenges

Step 2 – Visualize Your Best You

YOUR CALL

RECALL YOUR PEAK ENGAGEMENT EXPERIENCE (Adapted from College of Executive Coaching)

1. Recall an incredible experience professionally/personally: when you felt alive, excited, engaged, successful…
2. Describe the situation in detail: timing, setting, context, objectives, challenges, people involved
3. Describe your role in the situation/outcome: your beliefs, your strengths, your skills, your actions
4. Describe what you value most about yourself: people skills, creativity, expressiveness, achievement, EQ, IQ…
5. Describe the outcome: the decision making process, the actions and people that led to it (including yourself)
6. Describe how this experience struck you: connectedness, accomplishment, meaningfulness, flow?

YOUR WEEK

VISUALIZE YOUR IDEAL FUTURE TO DRAW YOURSELF FORWARD

1. Keep your peak experience in mind: the thrill, the challenge, the achievement, the fulfillment,…
2. Recall your skills, strengths, and core values. How would these play in your dreamed life and partnerships?
3. Imagine yourself in this future experience. How do you feel and act? What are you like? Who’s with you?
4. What are 2-3 wishes for your professional and personal life? Write down an action plan to get there
5. How would a conversation with your family, your boss, partner…look? How will you express your purpose?
6. Visualize and role-play a first step/outcome you desire: a successful job interview, a great personal exchange…

COACH CALL

Unable to recognize your wins
Doubting your strengths
Need help projecting your best

Step 3 – Align Your Core

ALIGN YOURSELf

YOUR TRUE VALUES
YOUR CHARACTER STRENGTHS
YOUR PASSIONATE GOALS
YOUR BEST PEOPLE

YOUR CALL

WHAT CAN YOU DO TODAY TO GET CLOSER TO YOUR CORE? 

1. Decide on 3 values you need to lead a great life: authenticity, achievement, peace, autonomy, love, family…
2. Think about times of peak experience/performance in your personal/professional life: describe your role in the situation/outcome including your abilities, your strengths, your people skills, your actions…
3. Use the ‘List of Personal Strengths’ (www.meaningandhappiness.com/psychology-research/list-of-personal-strengths.html). Follow the criteria and determine what your strengths are.
4. List the goals you want to pursue personally/professionally in different areas: use any goal list at hand for information/inspiration. Choose one goal per area. Are these compatible? Consider timing and priority
5. Compare degree of challenge and skill/readiness. Adjust goals accordingly and/or get training/help
6. Are your goals aligned with your deepest values?

YOUR WEEK

HOW CAN YOUR STRENGTHS, VALUES AND PEOPLE COME TOGETHER IN YOUR GOAL? 

1. Focus on your top 5 strengths. Utilize these in everyday activities/interactions
2. Evaluate how these signature strengths in your repertoire help you meet your new goals
3. In the face of any situation/new project/relationship think about your 3 fundamental values: will these be enhanced or crushed?
4. As you go about your day observe how your activities, commitments and people in your life meet or interfere with your goals
5. Could you eliminate some of the interference/distractions/interactions?
6. Could you do more of something that gets you closer to the alignment of values, strengths, goals and purpose?

COACH CALL

Struggling with competing commitments 
Stuck phrasing positive goals
Caught in pleasing others

Step 4 – Uncover Self-Efficacy

YOUR CALL

REFRAME YOUR MIND AND GAIN PERSPECTIVE 

(Exercises/list adjusted from https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/cognitive-distortions/#what)

1. Write down now 3 irrational thoughts or conclusions that are recurrent in your day-to-day life

2. Look at the list of unhelpful thinking styles or cognitive distortions below

Unhelpful thinking styles:

All-or-Nothing Thinking / Polarized / Black & White Thinking

You see things in terms of extremes – you, people, the environment are either perfect or totally flawed or bad:

‘I am an awful partner…People is successful…Millennials are lazy…Life is suffering…She is perfect…’

Overgeneralization

You have overly negative thoughts about yourself/people/environment based on one or two experiences:

‘I fail the test, I am a failure…Elections were fraudulent, the whole system is corrupted…’

Mental Filter

You focus on one negative and exclude all the positive, one negative comment equals a bad relationship:

‘She was mad yesterday, we definitely don’t get along…My son cheated on a test, we failed as parents…’

Disqualifying the Positive

You acknowledge yet dismiss a positive, perpetuating the negative thought patterns in the face of contrary evidence:

‘He loved my work, he was obviously in a good mood, I am terrible at this job…’

Jumping to Conclusions / Mind Reading

You believe you know what others think, like an unpleasant expression means something negative about you:

‘He stared at me, I look stupid…She is having fun alone, I drain her…’

Jumping to Conclusions / Fortune Telling

You make a prediction based on little to no evidence, seeing it as fact rather than one of many possible outcomes:

‘I didn’t get the position, I will never get the job I want…My daughter is a loner, she will never get married…’

Magnification or Minimization

You exaggerate the meaning of things or minimize the importance of things even in light of new evidence:

‘I didn’t play well today, I am no good…I won all week, but I am really not good…’

Emotional Reasoning

You accept emotions as facts:

‘I feel sad, I am a depressive person…He is angry, he doesn’t like me…’

Should/Must Statements

You impose on yourself and others unreasonable expectations so guilt, disappointment and resentment follow:

‘I must succeed, I am such a failure…She should call me, she doesn’t care, I hate her’

Labeling and Mislabeling

You judge, label and mislabel yourself/others based on one instance of failing, misbehaving, dishonesty…:

‘You are a liar…They are bad students…I am an idiot…’

Personalization

You take everything personally blaming yourself or others with no logical reason and across situations:

‘I always upset you…You always do this to me…’

3. Divide one page in 3 columns:

• 3. 1. On the first column make a list of your 6 more recurrent conclusions about yourself and others
• 3.2. On the second column categorize these thoughts according to unhelpful thinking
• 3.3. On the third column write at least one fact that contradicts or challenges each of your 6 conclusions

4. Play with your thoughts (Based on and adapted from‘The Work’ by Byron Katie):

• 4. 1. Do a ‘turnaround’ statement replacing all your ‘He/She/It/They…thoughts/conclusions with ‘I…’
• 4.2. Revert negative statements to positive ones like ‘He is mean to me’ to ‘He is kind to me’
• 4.3. What thought can you drop now in evidence that it is unhelpful thinking?

WHAT CHANGES WHEN YOU CATEGORIZE, TURN AROUND OR DROP A THOUGHT?

YOUR WEEK

ADOPT THE POSITIVE BELIEF OF SELF-EFFICACY: I CAN MAKE IT

5. Drop your most recurrent self-sabotaging thought adopting a goal-oriented thought all week: ‘I will…

6. Watch yourself going through small everyday incidents and replace negative thinking: ‘I can manage’

7. Choose a healthy underlying belief to support your goals (from the list of healthy schema below):

• ‘I can learn from my mistakes’
• ‘I can figure things out’
• ‘I don’t need to know it all now’
• ‘I am a solid person”
• ‘I deserve respect’
• ‘I care about others’
• ‘I can do better’

8. Check below all the assumptions and rules you live by:

• Others should not be trusted
• Everything must be perfect
• I must always be in control
• One should never show emotion
• Whatever I do, I must succeed
• Others have to come first
• I should do more

9. Do you have any other or another assumption/rule to respect, use and follow day-to-day or long-term?

10. How does this set of assumptions and rules affect your everyday life?

11. How does this set of ‘musts’ and ‘shoulds’ affect others in your life and your relationships?

12. Which rules would you modify to feel more confident about yourself and achieve your goals?

WHAT SINGLE ACTION CAN YOU TAKE TODAY THAT SUPPORTS THE ‘I CAN’ BELIEF?

COACH CALL

Too much in your mind
Using self-sabotaging talk
Assuming the worst in you and others

Step 5 – Set Action

FOCUS ENERGY & ATTENTION 

1. Take charge of the top 4 time-management challenges today: decide on a fitting ‘to-do’ system, name the 3 biggest distractions in your daily routine, say ‘no’ to one recurrent unreasonable personal/work demand today, make a scheduling chart including duties, family commitments, errands, social/leisure, relaxing, fitness time…
2. Prioritize the activities and interactions that are relevant to your goals in sink with your core values/strengths
3. Free some energy today: cleanse your body, clean your space, clear your mind of recycled thoughts
4. Eliminate a small annoyance in your daily life: delegate a boring chore, set a boundary, clarify expectations
5. Break your toughest goal into realistic time-lined steps and take one now: communicate , sign up…
6. Prioritize competing commitments: family morning vs. exercise, health versus work time.…

YOUR WEEK

ALIGN PLANNING AND ACTION: CHANGE PERCEPTION AT THE CORE Of PROCRASTINATION 

1. Write a daily schedule and log-in your goal every day to eliminate your mind debate: ‘to do it or not to do it’
2. Use concrete time-bound behaviors to meet goals (i.e. lifestyle goal: 20′ of cardio and 10′ of abs after work)
3. Screen but schedule the urgent non-important tasks (i.e. read incoming mail/check social media after lunch 20′)
4. Get-in your goal oriented actions postponing immediate gratification and the comfort zone (couch, drinks…)
5. Let go of control: delegate as much as possible and lower the perfection expectation
6. Get feedback comparing prospective (your daily schedule) & retrospective actions at the end of each day

REWARD YOURSELF FOR A GREAT WEEK WITH YOUR POISON

COACH CALL

Afraid to take the first step

Need help breaking up your goal

Postponing your goal and unable to say ‘no’

Step 6 – Reroute Attitude & Behavior

YOUR CALL

ENHANCING EMOTIONAL AWARENESS

1. Monitor your emotions for a day using a chart to log-in thoughts and feelings: ‘I think…I feel’
2. Start with your emotion now and take note of the situation/circumstances/people or trigger/s
3. Notice the body sensations that accompany each emotion: breathing, redness, nausea, stomach pain, aches…
4. Become aware of the emotions that accompany each activity throughout the day using your schedule
5. Take note of how emotions vary with different times of the day: morning blues, night fear, lunch guilt…
6. Become aware of the feelings that arise in each interaction throughout the day

YOUR WEEK

MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS, WORRIES AND STRESS

1. Keep a daily journal of your emotions this week: anger, joy, fear, shame, sadness, curiosity, guilt, stress…
2. Uncover your most intense emotion together with the associated thoughts, triggers and body sensations
3. Notice how your most intense emotion interferes with everyday communications, goals and results
4. Familiarize yourself with your most reactive behavior: bottled-up emotions, outbursts, binging…
5. Downsize your weekly worries to productive (the ones under your control): use the rule ‘decide & act’
6. Use breathing techniques, deep muscle relaxation and imagery to cope and reduce stress

WHAT GOAL ORIENTED ACTION CAN YOU TAKE TODAY?

COACH CALL

Unable to control sabotaging outbursts

Feeling you are going to implode

Drained by the stress of it all

Step 7 – Support Yourself

YOUR CALL

EXERCISE SELF-MANAGEMENT & SELF-REGULATION 

1. Interrupt your stressful state of mind with a 5′ break and the positive belief  of ‘I can’
2. Recall a peak performance experience: when you felt authentic, engaged, accomplished…
3. Bring up the goal that matters to you the most and envision yourself taking action steps this week
4. Boost self-confidence today by asking yourself how you can be more on your side and get others on your side
5. Use productive self-talk to counteract negative self-defeating thoughts and confront the source of bad schema
6. Remind yourself of  how your signature strengths will help you meet your new goals and express your core

YOUR WEEK

LIVE PURPOSELY & KEEP THE RIGHT PEOPLE

1. Log-in one action step in the morning to commit time and the best of you to your purpose
2. Commit to your goal with a timeline and monitoring action vs planning each day this week
3. Add, delegate, filter or eliminate activities, disruptions, people and/or distractions to meet your goal
4. Create a self-management form or journal to manage and regulate emotions throughout the week
5. Make yourself aware of any lapse and learn from a setback or derail
6. Follow by example: how do/did your heroes cope with challenges and similar situations?

REWARD AND CELEBRATE YOURSELF WITH/AND OTHERS

COACH CALL

Doubting your self-efficacy

Drifting away from the course

Loosing fuel and motivation